Bugged

For few weeks, there has been some personal problems that have been bothering me. I won't go into details, but pretty much it's a conflict of interest and I'm beginning to doubt that the relationship is reconsilable.

As I ate dinner with my old friend, she made me realize that the reason why this person--let's just call her B-- and I have been getting into conflicts with one another because she is still in high school, but I'm not. Her life is all about her colorguard team, boys and school dances. My life centers around school, journalism, the paper and the future.

I'm not saying that high school years are not important-- well, actually, I am. Honestly, those years do not affect any aspect of your college life. Maybe it does for those who studied like hell and made it into some prestige schools, but for the most part, incoming freshies realize that no one gives a damn about who they went to Sadie Hawkin's dance or who was the captain of the swim team. It really doesn't matter.

Though this is only the second semester in college for me, I know that I've changed a lot since last June. I'm not the hard-headed Miyu that I was back then-- I'm more open to new people and things, and I have better understandings of the world in general. B, on the other hand, fails to understand that I've changed and that there is life outside her little comfort zone called high school. When I try to make a point across, it's always me "attacking her" and that I "start shit."

What disappoints me the most, however, is that she is acting like I'm some kind of a disposal friend. It's like, if I'm not there, she has others to fill my shoes. And that's fine if that's the way it is. But after being her "best friend" and going through some high school drama together for 4 years, I feel cheated and hurt that B can pretend that those years meant nothing. And if that's the case, I feel stupid and angry at myself for wasting those years.

We have not spoken to each other in a week. I don't think she'll ever call but I'm honestly sick of always making the effort to patch things up. If the friendship ends like this-- so be it. I'm sick of pretending to be the "old" me and I am sick of her making me feel this way. If she wants me in her life still, she can call me. Otherwise, it's her loss. She can realize how I felt when she starts college next semester.

Ah, life.

MIYU