The desire that I don't really want to have.

I hate kids.

Let's face it; I hate kids. They are whiny, dirty, annoying and troublesome. Or at least they are to me.

But sometimes I get this URGE to be a mum.

Especially at work, when I see a cute hapa (JAPANESE--not any asian, mind you-- and white) baby, I'm like, "damn, I dont mind being a mommy to that one!" I love hapa baies because they are usually really pretty.

But then again, I would see another baby crying its ass off and I think to myself, "Oh THANK THE LORD I'm not a mum." I really cant stand crying babies.

As I was growing up, I had a fairly young mother and it was cool. So when I have kids, I want my first one at 27. You might think that's waaaay too young, but if my mum was capable, so am I.

Plus, I do plan on getting married at 21. Or maybe 22. And live in England for a year and then in Japan for another year.

There are so many things that I want to do in life that I really do not have the time to mope around over studpid things. But I sometimes do look back and feel that depressing feelings that I was feeling a month or so ago. Then I tell myself, "Miyu, this really will not matter in six months. Especially when you'll be hella busy."

Then I feel better.

Life is short. People come and go. I know that it's just part of life.

I only wish it was as easy as it sounds.

MIYU