The desire that I don't really want to have.

I hate kids.

Let's face it; I hate kids. They are whiny, dirty, annoying and troublesome. Or at least they are to me.

But sometimes I get this URGE to be a mum.

Especially at work, when I see a cute hapa (JAPANESE--not any asian, mind you-- and white) baby, I'm like, "damn, I dont mind being a mommy to that one!" I love hapa baies because they are usually really pretty.

But then again, I would see another baby crying its ass off and I think to myself, "Oh THANK THE LORD I'm not a mum." I really cant stand crying babies.

As I was growing up, I had a fairly young mother and it was cool. So when I have kids, I want my first one at 27. You might think that's waaaay too young, but if my mum was capable, so am I.

Plus, I do plan on getting married at 21. Or maybe 22. And live in England for a year and then in Japan for another year.

There are so many things that I want to do in life that I really do not have the time to mope around over studpid things. But I sometimes do look back and feel that depressing feelings that I was feeling a month or so ago. Then I tell myself, "Miyu, this really will not matter in six months. Especially when you'll be hella busy."

Then I feel better.

Life is short. People come and go. I know that it's just part of life.

I only wish it was as easy as it sounds.

MIYU

The dream that I never dreamed.

These days, I am extremely annoyed and fascinated at the same time by the obsession among teenagers over the book series called Twilight. Or more like an obsession over a fictional character.
I gotta admit, I did get hooked at one point because there's a boy/vampire that is just so damn fascinating. The book is a perfect page-turner for teenagers and I admit, the series is well written.
Edward Cullen is probably the most desired male in today's teenage world. He is a 17-year-old vampire who has "angelic face," tons of money, drives a Volvo and loves the main character unconditionally. Who wouldn't dream about a guy like Edward? I know I did, even when I'm happily in a relationship.
But what I've realized is that afterall, Edwards is FICTIONAL.
What good does it do to fantasize about someone that is not real? What good does that do in life? Those single teenage girls are setting their expectations of their ideal boyfriends way too high by comparing them with Edward.
It's really sad, actually, to see those girls chittering away about how wonderful and great Edward is. Instead of wasting time over this dude in a book, why not go out and find someone who's more realistic? Anyone can be Edward if he had all eternity to himself, lived 200 years, had unlimited money, doesn't need to eat or sleep and good looking.
But hey, that's just not going to happen, now is it?
I know how those girls feel-- they don't have boyfriends and if they did, they want someone like Edward. The fact that he does not exist pulls the heartstrings even more.
I know I'll read the final installment of the book when it comes out, but I'm not going to read it for Edward-- I'm going to read it so I know how it's going to end.
I once used to obsess over an anime character back when I was in middle school. Me and my friends talked about him, put pictures of him on our websites, discussed how great he was and acted like girls. It's all fun and exciting. But all it did was killed some time and nothing more.
What I find it disturbing is that girls who obsess over Edward is not only middle school kids-- some are almost at the legal age, or some are over 18.
OK, let me be frank-- that's fucking creepy.
Obsessing over some FICTIONAL character-- not even a celebrity-- is just not OK at the ripe age where they should be focusing on real life and real people. Liking--even loving-- the book (which is written for ages 13 to maybe 16)is fine. But obsessing over a character and dreaming about him and constantly talking about him with others-- now that's disturbing.
All I gotta say is that obsession is not a good thing.
Obsession over anything-- chocolate, pot, driving, a person, thing or a character-- is not the healthiest thing to do.
So, please, close the damn Twilight book, get your hair done, buy some skinny jeans, wear some makeup, CLOSE THE DAMN BOOK, shut up and go out to find someone who can get you laid in real life.

You'll thank me later.

MIYU

p.s. What ended my infatuation over edward? Afer few volumes of the series, he started to remind me too much like my boyfriend. I'm dead serious. That's why i don't like edward anymore. He doesnt fascinate me anymore.

Gym and French fries.

Sometimes the best things in life aren't the best things for life.

Take French fries for example.

They are pure grease and carb monsters. Yet I crave them often like a pregnant woman craving orange juice. I love those fries. I feel like a total lard ball after eating them, but once I start munching, I can't stop.

French fries are so good to me, but they aren't good for me.

To reduce my sins of eating Island's fries and an In-N-Out burger (protein style--no buns but lettuse rapped), I went to the gym at 10:30p.m. to burn those suckers off. I obviously did not melt off every bit of saturated fat that I had consumed, but it did make me feel better.

Why do we love things that are bad for us?

I think we love them because they are bad.
I know procrastination is bad, but I still do it. I know eating junk is bad, but I can't stop.

I saw a book at my work the other day on why people do things that are bad for them, and how those habits are scientifically fixed. Maybe I'll check it out sometime.

MIYU

My fear.

I'm sorry (to myself). I have not posted anything in a week. But I did think about posting things up. I was just real busy this week.

To make it up for the week, I've decided to reveal one of my biggest phobias: the flushing sound of the toilet.

Yes, I am scared shitless of the sound of toilets flushing.

Whenever I flush, I A)Cover my ears and look away and/or B) Bone out as fast as i can from the scene.

I have no idea why i'm scared of this. i just can't flush the toilet without covering my ears and running away. Whenever I use public bathroom, I literally cover my ears, turn the nob with my feet and get the fuck out of the stall. i'm not scared of myself getting sucked into the toilet or anything like that-- i just can't stand the sound.

The school bathrooms are the worst-- they are automatic flush and they make the loudest noise.

I hate the automatic flushing toilets.

Not only those toilets louder than the manual ones, they flush before i cover my ears or when I'm zipping my pants. And it scares me to no end.

These days I wait for it to flush (with my ears covered, of course) and after it flushes, I zip my pants up.

The thought of me standing in fromnt of a toilet covering my ears with my zipper undone is quite funny, i admit. But to me, it's serious!

I've always feared the flushing-- as far back as i can remember, it was kindergarten.

I get a sense of relief when the toilet is manually flushed because I know that it wont give me a heart attack by flushing out of the blue.

And that was my fear.

My Mess multiplies.

I'm a messy person. It's fact.

My room is a mess. I'm a big slob and can't keep anywhere clean. My car is a mess. My desk in the newsroom is a mess. Well, for the newsroom, I partly blame those who leave random things on my desk and never take them back. I had a pile of PR textbook sitting on my desk for a month until I realized that whoever left it was not coming to take them back. And I couldnt sell them because it said no re-sale.

My mum is not very happy about me living in a mess like this. Even my grandmama yells at me that my room is too messy. But I can't help it. I clean it, and it's messy again. It's like I have elves living in my room and messes the room up evertime I'm gone.

However, I really need to clean it soon. I saw a spider in my room the other day. I hate bugs mroe than anything in the world.

And my dad says that pretty soon mushrooms will start to grow in my room.

And I highly doubt those mushrooms would be edible.

MIYU

Whirlwind

When life starts to spin a bit too fast for my own good, I try to take a deep breath and say, "Now Miyu, what do you need to do first?" The worst thing is to panic.

Today was a hell of a day. So many sad/shocking news, arguments, headaches and more.

One thing I would like to say is Rest In Peace, Miss Crine. She was my math teacher last year. I hope there's enough Tab Soda for you in heaven. And I hope someone nice is going to take care of your dog and take it to Target, just like you did. I thought you were crazy, but I always thought you were a good person. RIP.

Death occurs more frequently as we age. I just pray it won't happen to the ones that I care about the most.

MIYU